


I should go

by CrackshipQueen



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bobbi Morse, Bobbi Morse & Jemma Simmons Friendship, Bobbi Morse's bad relationship history, Bobbi's big brother is protective, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon - Comics, Comic Histories, Complicated Relationships, Discovery, Ex Drama, F/M, Infinity Formula, Levi Kreis: I should go, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Partners to Lovers, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Past Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse, Past Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Post-Divorce, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, SHIELD Family, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Songfic, crackship, some smut, totally au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrackshipQueen/pseuds/CrackshipQueen
Summary: Bucky Barnes found himself doing something he never thought he'd ever do: He kissed Bobbi Morse.When the fuck did he end up with feelings for Clint Barton's ex wife? She's just gone through a divorce with Lance Hunter and he's accepted he and Natasha are over but he never ever intended to care this much for her but Bobbi is a breath of fresh air in his dark world and he didn't realise how much he needed that until he pulled her out of the way of a bullet and he stared down at her with a hammering heart and a feeling inside of him that he'd almost forgotten existed.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Bobbi Morse, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Kudos: 3





	1. My eyes begin to linger longer than they should

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, it's it familiar? I haven't had someone to talk to in such a long time and it's strange all we have in common and your company was just the thing I needed tonight but somehow I feel I should apologise cause I'm just a little shaken by what's going on inside. I should go before my will gets any weaker and my eyes begin to linger longer than they should. I should go before I lose my sense of reason and this hour holds more meaning than it ever could. I should go, I should go baby I should go. It's so hard keeping my composure and pretend I don't see how your body curves beneath your clothes and your laugh is pure and unaffected, it frightens me to know so well the place I shouldn't go.
> 
> This kinda sparked my muses for this one. I really like to base my stuff off of songs because I feel like they really connect to people & characters. Anyway! Plot.
> 
> Song: I should go by Levi Kreis.

"Morse!" He yelled. He sounded just a little more concerned and alarmed than he'd intended.

The next thing she felt was him hit her midsection hard enough to knock the wind out of her and the two of them went cascading to the floor right before a bullet hit behind where she'd stood, Bobbi Morse looked up at Bucky Barnes and she smiled. She was glad that he hadn't let her head knock against the floor.

"Thanks." She tried to inhale but her breath hitched in her throat.

She studied his face, searching it for something she couldn't quite figure out but she wasn't sure what that was; he had the brightest blue eyes though they were filled with sadness and pain and he was aged far beyond his physical years and that had never stopped bothering her. Bobbi Morse and Bucky Barnes belonged to a club that so few people did and fewer still were capable of understanding: They'd never age, they'd never change physically from who and what they were now, they were doomed to watch the world pass them by and never truly be a part of it.

She was different in ways that not even he could understand because she didn't herself but he had tried his damn best to anyway.

He remained there, he didn't move. He hovered above her with one arm by the side of her head and the other on her waist and he frowned just a tiny bit. He noted the way that she was looking at him and though he was confused he found himself wondering what was going on in her head and what she was thinking. Bobbi had always been a friend to him, she'd fought side by side with him trading friendly banter and quips and reminding him that he had someone on his side even when he thought he didn't and that he still had a friend.

After what had happened with Natasha, Bobbi had still been willing to work with him; Clint had hated him but that was to be expected. The two of them seldom got along as it was but that had destroyed any chances of the two of them ever getting past their issues because Clint thought he was being an asshole by walking away and not trying to help Natasha get her memories back and he found himself bothered ever so slightly by that; Clint was a capable agent but he couldn't possibly understand what it was that Bucky had gone through with that or how much damage he could cause if he tried to press her into remembering anything.

Clint true enough could be an asset out there in the field but he was nowhere near as skilled as Bobbi was. She was something all unto herself. Something he could never quite understand but he'd spent a good few months now trying to understand it anyway...

Something he hadn't thought about ever really being able to understand until now. 

She didn't look at him like he was an asshole or judge him for what he'd done because he knew that she'd done the same, she'd left someone for their own good and for her own sanity. That was why she'd finally called it quits with Clint for good. She couldn't keep doing the to and fro because it was tearing her apart a little more every day and she couldn't take it anymore. He'd asked her about it eventually just because she'd been doing it the whole time he'd known her and he was curious.

Then there was Lance Hunter, British Agent that couldn't have been more opposite to Bobbi if he tried. He was nowhere near as strong as she was, nowhere near as talented and in truth he hadn't understood _that_ one at all. Barton sure because he was actually half decent but he'd honestly never liked Lance Hunter all that much. Still, after all Bobbi had been through she deserved to find her own happiness and he'd hoped that she would because if anyone deserved it then it was Bobbi.

That hadn't worked out either though and this time around, she hadn't decided to do the to and fro all over again because she knew just how much it hurt the first time around so this time, done was done to her and he'd helped her through it as best he could; he'd tried his best to be a good friend to her because she needed one.

They'd been working together now for months, months that had been filled with fun, laughter, danger and support; it was the kind of support that he'd forgotten existed and she didn't make him talk when he didn't want to, he knew that she held pain of her own and she was running too from a broken heart. That was just who she was. She was strong, she was beautiful, she was smart... She was funny. She could make him laugh even when he didn't want to and as he looked down at her now, he couldn't help the hammering of his heart in his chest.

_What the hell...._ Bucky Barnes was confused.

Since when had Bobbi Morse had this affect on him? She was his friend...

His hand moved to gently brush the dust from the side of her cheek. She didn't flinch at his touch. It felt like the world around them had just stopped. He'd only felt this kind of thing once before with Natasha. That was long since over, she had decided upon a path all of her own and it was one that he couldn't walk with her and that was okay. He could be her friend. He could work with her and he could make sure she was safe and that was enough for him.

It had taken a long time for that to be enough for him but it was. 

_Ah, fuck it._

What the hell did he have to lose bar probably the only true friend he had besides Steve but if he didn't take the chance, he'd never know and he'd probably spend his life - and it was gonna be a long life - wondering what'd have happened if he'd just taken that chance. Take the goddamn chance, Barnes. You've been broken for long enough.

She fucking makes you feel _something_ when you'd felt empty before. Take the goddamn chance.

Bucky Barnes found himself doing something he never thought he'd ever do: He kissed Bobbi Morse.

It was like electricity. He'd half expected her to shove him away, slap him and ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing but she didn't. Her hand knotted in his vest and she pulled him closer as his hand slipped through her hair to the back of her head to hold her for just a moment before he pulled away; she flipped the two of them over so that she straddled him and her long blonde hair fell around her face. She offered him a playful smirk before she placed another quick kiss against his lips and pulled back to stand up.

"We'll talk about this later." She laughed as she plucked her gun from the floor and fired.

It had been seconds but it had felt like so much longer. Seconds. Mere seconds but it felt like the world had just _stopped_ and it was the first time that the storm inside of him was quieted. It was the first time that he'd felt something in months now. He laid on the rough ground and a laugh broke his lips before he hauled himself to his feet.

"Sure thing." He did _not_ want her to know he was fucking terrified of her.

He was never supposed to feel like that again; he'd cut himself off from any hope of feeling anything even close to that for anyone again but her? She was like a goddamn hurricane and she swept up everyone in her path and changed them in ways that she couldn't even begin to understand. She didn't understand how charming she was, how funny, how much she made darkness just a little bit brighter or a bad day more tolerable. She didn't understand just what she was capable of doing to someone.

What the hell was he even going to say? Where had that even come from?

She'd have questions that he was asking himself too. He hadn't thought for even a second that he'd care for her the way that he did, he hadn't thought for even a second that he'd want her in the way that he did but he did. Inexplicably, Bobbi Morse had become such an intricate part of his world without him realising it and now? He was in way over his head. He didn't take his eyes off of her for the rest of the mission just because he was worried she was going to wind up getting her dumb ass hurt because there were times he could swear she ran on pure adrenaline.

He'd been there himself a few times over the years. It was the easiest way to bury the hurt you felt but with her, it was different. He knew she wasn't running from anything.

He tried his damn best to make it obvious that he wasn't watching out for her and that he wasn't deliberately trying to keep her out of the firing line but once it was over and they were on the way back to the safe house, he rested his head against the cold metal of the van at his back and he cursed softly to himself.

What. The. Fuck.

Ah hell, he was doomed and he knew it.


	2. It's so hard keeping my composure

The only thing he could be thankful for was that they didn't have a team with them. It was just the two of them by the time they got back and while momentarily he wished that there _was_ actually someone there with them, he knew deep down that anyone being there was a bad fucking idea because things were already going to be awkward enough. 

Maybe it wasn't. Ugh, what did he know?

He hadn't said a damn thing since they'd gotten back, instead he'd done the idiotic thing and retreated to the bedroom he'd claimed about five days ago when they gotten here to start their mission; he was glad that it had a bathroom ensuite it meant that he could shower and refresh himself some because he felt like shit and he looked even worse; she didn't, she looked utterly perfect.

Do not even go down that road, his head already hurt enough with this whole goddamn mess and it was just that: A mess, but it was one that for the first time in a while he didn't want to get away from, at least not actively and certainly not in any hurry. He was actually quite happy being in this mess considering you know, he'd chosen it for himself and all.

Bucky Barnes shook his head.

He was covered in dirt and dust and all he could smell was smoke that clung to his skin and his hair like an unwanted cloak and so, he'd decided that a shower was definitely his best bet. He needed to clear his mind and wash away the days trials and problems and calm himself enough to face everything in a rational way. She deserved more from him than him freaking out and brushing everything off because he was terrible at letting people get close to him.

She was too though. She'd been burned and abandoned and had people turn their back on her more than once. Two divorces? He couldn't imagine how rough that must have been on her. She'd already told him that it had beaten the shit out of her self esteem and her self confidence but you wouldn't think it to look at her from the outside; she still appeared to be the same outgoing, confident person that she'd always been.

He ran his hands through his hair; it was starting to grow out again now and he hadn't found the time yet to get it sorted. He found himself holding onto his head before he let out a loud groan that he hoped wouldn't garner absolutely any attention from his temporary housemate and shook his head, one hand remained on the side of his head while the other touched the wall behind the flowing torrent; water hot enough to scold ran down his body washing away the days messes and the battery of hot water did some - but not enough - good on loosening up the tightened muscles in his back.

Every goddamn muscle in his back and his shoulders hurt like hell and his mind was racing.

He was anxious as hell which was new; he was rarely scared of anything much less anxious about anything but he was anxious about what the hell waited for him when he got out of this room but he couldn't avoid it forever. He knew if he did, he was going to make things bad with them and she didn't deserve that.

He was the one that had kissed her. He was the one that made the choice to do it. He was the one that--

He sighed.

Stop with the melancholy reflection Barnes and get your ass out of here, get dressed and face the woman. Stop hiding in the shower like a damn coward and actually face her. She deserved that much from him at the very least. He knew that he was changing the dynamic they knew with his potentially dumb assed split second decision but he didn't know what the hell else to do. In that moment, it was the only thing he _wanted_ to do and if it came down to it and she was pissed?

He guessed he could blame mission-based adrenaline prompting stupid decisions and apologise.

Yep, solid plan there Casanova.

Drying off as he got out of the shower and dressed, he sat on the end of the bed for a few moments to try to collect his thoughts before he walked out of the room and into the living room, she was still drying off blonde curls with a towel but she glanced up at him and offered him a small smile as he sat on the opposite end of the sofa. 

"You're avoiding me now?" She spoke with a raised brow but a playful smile on her lips anyway.

Immediately he shook his head.

"No, I mean a little but..." Okay, he was a little bit.

He offered her an apologetic look and she released a gentle sigh as she chewed on her bottom lip, a soft shrug moved her shoulders. If he could've read her he'd have known that she was feeling all together confused herself; she had no idea what on earth her friend had kissed her for in the middle of a goddamn mission but she knew that in that moment she felt more alive than she had in months. She felt something spark inside of her and that was something that she'd needed more than she wanted to admit. 

She'd known for a little while now that things between the two of them were walking a fine line and she suspected that now he did, too. She knew that it started to walk that fine line with movie nights, the days that one of them would go out of their way to see the other smile, with dumb jokes and playful jibes and training sessions that left each of them breathless and her trying to ignore the electricity that crackled in the air around them.

She'd thought it was all in her head but apparently it wasn't at all. 

Unless it was.

"Y'know, a simple my bad Bobbi. Mission crap made me a dumbass would suffice." She was trying to play it off.

There were times she _was_ easy to read and that? That was one of them. Bucky Barnes shook his head vehemently at her.

"It wasn't. It's not-- It wasn't some heat of the moment thing, well I mean it was but it wasn't. It's not that simple, I want it to be but it isn't." He wished it was simple he really did.

Complicated was so far from what either of them needed and this was going to be complicated no matter which way this played out. Their respective ex's alone was drama that he didn't think she needed but if he tried to protect her and throw this to hell he'd be hurting her in a way she didn't deserve; she didn't need him choosing her life for her. Bobbi had always been one of the strongest people he knew.

"I didn't kiss you because it was some stupid adrenaline fueled decision Bobbi, I kissed you because I _wanted_ to kiss you. We've been friends a hell of a long time but things have changed, at least they have for me. I didn't really think about it 'til then. I looked at you and in that moment, I looked at you and I realised that if I didn't do it then I'd regret it." He glanced sideways at her, offering her an uncertain smile.

He was playing with his hands ringing them together.

This was something he hadn't seen coming, he'd been blindsided by the fact that he'd ended up with feelings for his friend and partner; when he'd accepted a freelance post with her organisation and accepted whatever missions she tossed his way when she needed backup, he'd thought about it as nothing more than trying to keep himself busy but he realised now that somewhere in all of that it had become less about that and more about spending time with her. It had become about the way that he felt something other than hollow when he was around her.

It had become about the fact that he actually _cared_ about her and he hadn't even considered at first that he would, at least not in that way; he cared plenty for her wellbeing already but it was more than that now. They were friends. They'd always been friends and they'd bonded over mutual pain and mutual exclusions from the life that everyone else lived and they'd worked together on and off for years because their ex's were best friends and they tended to work together quite a lot.

She was his friend.

Until that wasn't all she was, anyway.

"I've known you for years, we've been through hell together. We've fought side by side and back to back during things that were goddamn impossible. I've watched what you've been through and you've watched what I have and you've always been there for me. You've been a damn good friend even when you had no reason to be." She'd offered him something to take him away from his pain when Clint would rather she let him wallow in it.

"You have my back and I have yours but somewhere in the last few months that changed. That changed from _Hey, I'm your friend_ to _Holy shit, I have feelings for her._ That scared the hell out of me. I never wanted to go down that road with _anyone_ again after Nat but it's not like that with you. No history, no past that we're trying to heal from together just us." 

No history, no past, nothing to hold onto or pull back together again just a goddamn chance to have something new and different with someone. It probably was _not_ ideal at all for either one of them given their ex's but both of them knew by now that you didn't get to choose who you cared for. 

_You don't get to choose who you fall for._

He doubted if they did, she'd have chosen him. Not in a million years and he couldn't blame her one bit for that.

This wasn't about The Winter Soldier, this wasn't about ghosts or his past, this wasn't about quieting demons inside of him that threatened to consume him otherwise this was about someone that made him feel _better_ for the first time in a really, really long time. The ghosts didn't exist around her because she wasn't tied to his past and for the first time in a long time he had a genuine reason to smile and something to focus on that didn't tie him to anything he'd been before.

He'd loved Natasha, he really had.

He'd loved her for a hell of a long time but he knew that there was no way back and he was okay with that. He knew that he was going to have to let her move on with her life and that had been a painful realisation for him for quite some time but Bobbi made it easier day by day with dorky jokes, playful jibes, getting him to watch bad movies with her while they mocked bad tactics, bad stances, cliches and simple mistakes in action movies and she talked him into horror movie marathons or slasher movie marathons with her that she was _completely_ unphased by but he wasn't. Things like that weren't common when he was younger and even then they weren't anything like that.

Far more cheesy and nowhere near as... Well... They were different.

She loved them though. She loved pointing out the rookie mistakes sitting there with a pint of ice cream and this sort of amused look on her face that honestly sometimes made him doubt what little remained of her sanity but she'd poke jokes about it and told him that he needed to remember she wasn't a psychopath, she didn't have time for that crap.

Yep, she'd used those exact words.

The fact that it was nowhere near the stuff that he did when he was under meant that it didn't trigger anything the way some movies did but she avoided them purposely. She'd also made him sit through Lord of The Rings and he'd subsequently dared her to go to the Halloween party as Galadriel thinking there was no way in hell she'd do it.

She had.

He had no idea how he didn't realise in all of that that there was so much more to them now than friends. He didn't understand how shooting her texts in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep and meeting up to go for a walk didn't tell him that somewhere a line had been crossed and it was more than that now. 

She took in a slow, deep breath and he found himself wondering all over again what she was thinking or wishing that she'd do or say _something_ rather than sit quietly like that but he knew Bobbi by now, he knew her well enough to know when she was processing something in her mind and she was trying to figure out how to respond to something. 

"I think I figured it out somewhere, I didn't want to but I think I did." She looked contemplative.

"I tried to ignore it and act like it didn't matter but every damn time I was close to you I wanted to kiss you and it was driving me insane but I couldn't bring myself to put the distance between us either. I'd rather have put up with the frustration than putting up with missing you." She actually liked having him around; he made things _better._

"I asked you to work with me. I gave you a job because I wanted to help you and I wanted you to have somewhere to belong like I did, it's why I started the WCA. I couldn't stay with SHIELD after what happened to me and I couldn't stand working with people that just treat me like I was a goddamn science experiment." It had been too much for her to take. She needed to get away from all of that but he knew that already.

"I didn't for a second think that it'd end up more than just me wanting to help a friend but I started to feel something and I tried to bury it for both our sakes." She chewed her lip again. She hadn't wanted to make things complicated.

It was better for them both if she didn't let things be complicated and she knew it, _he_ knew it too, she was sure of it. They had enough shit in their lives that they had to deal with without making themselves a target for peoples stupid, misplaced anger and she knew that Clint Barton would be downright _furious_ about this, he detested Bucky Barnes and Clint was still her friend but this wasn't about anyone else, this was about her and how _she_ felt.

"I care about you. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted to know it wasn't all in my head." She knew she was fucking crazy she just didn't wanna be crazy about _this._

They both needed something real. 

"It wasn't in your head." He could feel some of his anxiety abate which was good.

"I swear having you pin me in training and _not_ doing anything? I deserve an award for that." She smirked teasingly then.

He threw his head back and groaned.

"That is _not_ fair." It had been damn near impossible she was right.

While he was glad to know it wasn't just hard for him he did _not_ need his mind going down that road right now...

"No?" She questioned playfully, Bobbi Morse rose to her feet and made her way over toward him.

Nope, nope! Bad idea Morse, bad idea. _Months_ of pent up frustrations, literally months. Bad, bad idea. He watched her made her way toward him and she lowered herself down so that she sat on his lap with one knee on either side of his thighs. She moved one hand to his cheek, the other rested against his chest over his heart which by the way was _racing._ This would only end one goddamn way if she didn't move.

"I'm not afraid of you, Bucky. I never was." That was sort of ironic because he was terrified of her.

At least right now he was, right now Bobbi Morse had a power over him that he didn't want anyone to ever have again. She wasn't supposed to get this close, no one was ever supposed to get this close to him again; his breath hitched in his throat and his heart hammered like hell.

"Bobbi, if you don't move right now this is gonna get-" He cut off as he flicked but eyes up to her face.

"Gonna get what?" She questioned playfully.

She knew exactly what he was saying and he knew she did. Bobbi Morse was one of the smartest people he'd ever met but God if her playing Coy wasn't sexy... Jesus Fuck, this wasn't going to be anywhere near easy, was it? His hands moved to her hips and while he told her in however shaky terms he'd spoken to move, he'd all but made sure she couldn't.

"Do you want me to move?" She searched his face with lust filled blue eyes.

He shook his head.

"No, that's the problem." Did he hell want her to move.

"Then shut the hell up and kiss me."

Goddammit, she was bossy.


End file.
